Can I be your forever girl?
Flowers in my hair, white flowy dress walking down the aisle girl
Can I be your bare feet on the beach girl?
Dancing in the moonlight arms wrapped around each other girl
Can I be your hold you in the dark girl?
Stay with you till the pain subsides girl
Can I be the one you tell your secrets to girl?
You know they will stay safe with me girl.
I’m scared I’ll mess this up somehow
Wake up and realise this was all a dream
Say things I shouldn’t
Push you away without knowing
I really want to open up
But sometimes I don’t know
How to start this cliche love song
Boy meets girl and they both fall hard
Ensconced in their little love bubble they flourish
They thrive in their safe little pocket of the world where nothing bad gets in
But bubbles burst
And their love no longer protected by their little bubble
Begins to break under the pressure of who they really are
The arguments begin and resentment festers
Where did love go?
Was it ever really there?
Tears pour down their cheeks like a never ending rainstorm
Their love once sweet becomes bitter and toxic.
Baby thinks he’s hard to love
He never ever seems to quite win
Tired of even opening up if she’s only going to leave
Baby only ever sees one side
And that’s always his
Maybe the reason he’s hard to love is that he doesn’t let anyone in.
Not safe in our houses
Not safe in our beds
Not safe when we take all the precautions that they said
They tell us that these men are helpless
They simply can’t control themselves
So we have to carry all the responsibilities that they shed
The truth is that when we focus on the symptoms and not the cause
The world will never be a safe place for the women it tries to protect.
Craving numbness like a drug
Lost in the thrill of exciting nothingness
Light, paper thin and breathless
Wanting to pause life and live constantly in the moment
There is no peace here but at least there is no thinking, striving, failing
Falling flat on my face again
But this is not a phase I can stay in.
New beginnings with the promise of sweetness wrapped around it like a bow.
New memories being made with all the light, laughter and sunshine.
Not familiar but not quite as scary anymore.
Different but maybe good different.
Photo by Tiago Fioreze on Unsplash
Its breaking me can’t you see.
The weight of your expectations causing me to sink deeper and deeper
Till theres almost nothing left of me.
Trying to keep up a futile repititve cycle
But still I persist
Because the fear of hurting you feels so much worse.
This should make you happy but it doesn’t.
Constantly competing with yourself trying to one-up your accomplishments.
You should feel excited but you don’t.
The emptiness a reminder that this simply isn’t enough.
These accomplishments feel hollow like they should mean more but they don’t.
Your sole focus seems to be on doing better, being better
But for what reason?
and at what cost?
Don’t look at her and feign recognition.
Don’t squint with the hopes that you will see any vestige of the girl that used to live here.
For she is long gone and no trace of her remains.
She is only someone that you used to know and there is no hope now of looking backward.
Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash