Why?

Why?

Why couldn’t you love me?

See all the effort I put in

Why did you leave?

When I did all I could to make you stay.

Why wasn’t I enough

I wanted so badly to be

Why wasn’t I accepted?

I never seemed to tick all your boxes

Why couldn’t you see the beautiful parts of me?

I needed your validation so badly

Why did you hurt me?

I never would have hurt you

Why oh why

I know now that the answers my questions can never be found with you but always and forever only with me

I never needed you.

More

More

Theres more to you

Always has been and always will be

You see yourself as some broken thing that can never be fixed

But I see the real you, hidden deep inside

Those broken pieces

I see it and love you so

I only wish that you could see it too

Not a perfect being

But beautifully imperfect

Irreplaceable and needed

Right here and right now.

Who’s that girl?

Who’s that girl?

Who’s that girl

Light and carefree

Bright red lipstick and the warmest of smiles

Begging you to come closer

Who’s that girl?

Unforgettable in her mini skirt and long flowy dress

Her light unmistakable

Who’s that girl?

With words always on the tip of her tongue and mind bursting with imagery

Who’s that girl?

With her big heart and the glass always half full

Praise on her lips and prayers in her heart

The world making sense piece by piece

Inner peace a constant

Pure

Pure

There is no pretence here 

No carefully constructed words 

No fear of rejection 

No chance that I will ever leave 

Because you are everything to me 

A true original 

Nothing and no one can compares

Your flaws are intricate designs 

Only to be found in this beautiful masterpiece 

Your heart the most beautiful thing in world to me 

Oh how I love you 

Stuck

Stuck
Tired of these dark thoughts
That wrap around and paralyse me
It seems that I’m constantly fighting a battle
I want so badly to be strong
And to be the person that overcomes
To not feel bleak or hopeless
I have absolutely no reason to be
But still this feeling of being lost and alone comes
And once again I feel stuck.

Expectations

Expectations
You want me all covered up
Skirts knee length, clothes modest, thoughts pure
You tell me ladies are to be classy, reserved and demure
I think there is something wrong me
But what you never told me
Was what I should do when I dream of mini dresses and bare feet
Dancing carefree
I love my body and all it’s arches and curves
And I love embracing it
Should I change?

I wish

I wish
I wish you would show me all of you and not just the pretty parts
This carefully constructed version of you that keeps all the bad things out
I see all the good in there but I also see the pain and hurt that you can never allow yourself to feel
You claim you are strong enough to handle it all
And maybe you are
But what if you don’t have to be
I wish you could share this load with me
But if it can’t be me I hope you find someone who you could let in
I’m sorry but I can’t only love some parts of you.

If only

If only
If only I could be what you need me to be
Could act out what your mind is thinking before you even put it in words
If only I wasn’t so absent-minded, lazy, melancholy
Maybe you wouldn’t scream so much
It used to hurt me so much the thought of never being quite enough
Always falling just short of, subpar even
But now I’m learning I might never please you and I’m okay with it