I am nearing the end of this chapter of my life (university) and I am so afraid(shaking in my bed at 2am researching what its like to be in Abuja law school afraid). But I realise now that what I am most afraid of is the uncertainty of life in general. I remember coming to the UK for the first time to start my A levels and feeling quite certain this was the beginning of the best years of my life (I was silly at 15). I thought I would get amazing grades (I didn’t) and that I would go to the university I wanted to go to (way off- I ended up in a university I never even contemplated). I also thought by now I would be a well-adjusted adult with a clear idea where her life is going (I am getting to the well adjusted and well once in a while I have thoughts in my head of what I could be). These ideas change quite frequently though.
I legitimately thought my life was going to go like I thought (man was I wrong the universe must have been laughing at me). These past 5 years have been amazing don’t get me wrong but not in the way I thought it would be and that may not be such a bad thing. While I can semi laugh about them now and see the moral of the story, they were not very fun reality checks at all. What I love about these past 5 years is that I got to connect with myself in ways I never thought were possible. I also found out who Chidinma was, made some amazing friends along the way and started to see myself the way God sees me.
I have stumbled more times than I have stood and made some questionable decisions (mostly in the boy department). I have reached the lowest of lows (personally) and somehow managed to get myself back up again. I guess what I am trying to say is that if I could stumble so much when I thought the road was straight and clear then imagine what damage I could do when I can’t see whats ahead. I am so scared and also so excited at what the future holds for me. What I am trying to say by this nicely worded long rant is that if anyone is feeling like this, it’s okay to be scared and to feel completely clueless. Sometimes when your stumbling you stumble across who you really are.